yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
