i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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