thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
