I wish life had little blips of pornography
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
