they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
