we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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