college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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