Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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