Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
