i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize