I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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