I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
