She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
