oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry about my life...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
