Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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