its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
