Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
