why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
