i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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