You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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