I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
