so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
