areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
