My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
