i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
