I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
