I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
