Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
