bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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