having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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