My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
