I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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