I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
