How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
