I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
