On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
