I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
