Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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