You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
