I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize