Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
