Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize