I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
