my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
