How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
