He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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