There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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