Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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