Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
