I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
