her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
