The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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