My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
