so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize