It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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