Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
