White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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