You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
