Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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