Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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