So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize