The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize