I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
