Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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