I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize