Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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