you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
