God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
