i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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