The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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