4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
