yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
