I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
