Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
