I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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