hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
