What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
