Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he just fucked me for my cheese.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
