I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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