I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think my moral compass just broke
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
