Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
